badged comments
kleinbl00  ·  1814 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: July 15, 2015  ·  

The more bravely and confidently you handle this, the less awkward it will be. "Uhm, yeah, I know we've, like, been friends for a long time but, uh, I kind of, er, want, like, more. I think. Uhm." is going to be terrible even if she feels the same. "I'm having a really hard time not thinking about you and I'll hate myself forever if I don't try for more" will plant a seed even if she shoots you down.

And if she shoots you down? Don't be awkward, don't be weird, but don't for a minute pretend you're going to let things go back to what they were. People think that relationships are like glass - you have to break them to make them something else. They aren't. She might turn you down this time but if you believe in yourself and let her see it, you'll get another chance. And maybe another. And eventually she'll succumb.

I knew my wife for nine years before we started dating. Shit, I was her second husband.

Meriadoc  ·  1813 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: July 15, 2015  ·  

That's a major part of my point. The culture of the site isn't immediately clear to new users, as it isn't with most sites immediately. But no one ever listened to the time-wisened knowledge of "lurk moar." Since we're so small, a ton of redditors will come in at the same time, believe we're a reddit clone, and will treat it like a reddit clone, none the wiser that what they're doing is contrary to what we are trying to do here. It's not their fault, it's just that since they came in with a bunch of redditors, their experience here is.... a bunch of redditors.

It's hard to try to quantify and lay out to people the difference too. Saying "we care about personal relationships with other users" and "your network of people, ideas, sites, and connections is a vital component here" and "the experience is truly more in line with a coffee shop, or a pub, or any sort of local hub with people you love than an internet community". These are abstract ideas, and ones that other sites will use, and ignore, and they think it close enough to reddit that people will start to get angry at central components of the site, telling the people who have been here for years that they're wrong for wanting it one way or being resistant to change. And don't get me wrong, we value new ideas, but the angry vitriol people come in isn't new. You know how many times we've had to fight users about the mute function? It's tiring. I understand not wanting to put up with another month of assholes coming in and ruining something you love. I understand having a socialist, feminist safe space cut out for you on the site, only to have it shit on by assholes who don't get it over and over and over as new people come in.

The important thing is the people like you who come here, don't want to step on toes, do want to understand, and do contribute a very large amounts of good quality. But that's such a minority on the internet. That's why we're small anyway. People will come in, self-centered, see a platform to preach their stale language from, and will be angry when they're not given voice. Reddit serves that masturbatory sense of ego, where here, if there are people who want to listen, they will. If people don't want to, they won't, just like in real life. If you have the self-awareness of "I've made bad habits", and "I want to learn", and "I would hate to step on the culture". you're a hubskier that we want here. That's what we strive for. If it's the people saying "I want to shape this place for my voice", get the fuck out of my coffee shop.

ButterflyEffect  ·  1813 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: July 15, 2015  ·  

    It's not their fault, it's just that since they came in with a bunch of redditors, their experience here is.... a bunch of redditors.

I disagree, it is their fault. You're coming to a new site, and maybe you've read about it but you don't know anything about how it works or the people who use it already. I wouldn't go into a new restaurant or new pub or new social place and force my ways on the people that are already there, even if I already have some sort of base knowledge about that place. There is a courtesy to taking the time to get to know a place and its culture and becoming comfortable with that and tailoring your interactions so you're not that person that people just want to serve quickly so they leave. It's the same kind of thing, I would imagine, as to when a small local place with character and something good going suddenly gets a lot more popular and is overloaded with people who are there for the image or for other values that the place wasn't built on. To me it is the fault of the people coming here if they disturb things and immediately start treating the site like something it's not. Especially when it is so, so, so easy to observe for a week or however long and not take the selfish route, for lack of a better term.