Can it be both? Neither? (I'm doing my best to think outside of binaries, so the word 'or' has become a sign for me to pay attention)

It's all very much akin to what may be the worst teen drama film of all time. Writing it out, I'm half-laughing in ultimate cringe, and half-questioning why I go to school every day.

We'll call him Matt. Matt has fucked all the girls, gotten great grades, and lined himself up since freshman year as the guy who's headed to West Point. Is that last bit familiar? Almost comically, it's as if Matt and I are identical in our desires and objectives. Many people who don't really know either of us have told both of us that we're "like the same people." At the same time though, we're complete opposites. Clarifying disclaimer, I haven't fucked all the girls and my grades are okay.

Matt's family is very affluent, which may contribute to him being a stunning sociopath. He dated a girl, we'll call her Amy, for about a year. Amy isn't terribly bright, an arch-dutchess of over-entitled suburban teen drama, and also a very broken person– with all the personal issues she may have, it turns out that Matt has played a direct role in them. Matt cheated on her constantly, and apparently hit her a few times as well– she wasn't the first girlfriend to claim this. She was treated badly, and was never really given the resources growing up to know how to deal with it.

Amy told me yesterday that she had decided to run for president against Matt, just to get the satisfaction of beating him. This is immature and from most perspectives stupid, and I think she knew that. Nobody will vote for her, she isn't liked because of her promiscuity and being prone to acting-out (being drunk/high often) in class, etc. Also, she just straight-up admitted she has absolutely no interest in actually running the organization. She just wants to beat Matt. Ooookay.

Well, today, Amy told me that Matt had talked to her and asked her to "encourage" me to step down and run for VP. Amy decided to tell me this with, again, a comically dramatic text that read "meet me in the stairwell of the science wing" where nobody goes, where I got to keep from bursting out laughing in her face as she sat close to me, with a jacket zipped down over quite deliberately shirtless skin, and told me that she wants to double-cross Matt. Have me run VP, support her in her Pres campaign, and work together to defeat Matt. Hm. As scary as it is that a young girl actually did this, her and I have hooked up before so I guess it isn't really that big of a deal but still like talk-to-a-counselor level of crazy and I'm still pretty concerned about it? :S

So, you know, she told me exactly what Matt asked her to do and did exactly that, but pitched it as a double-cross against him. Idk. If you're saying "WTF, that makes no sense?!" yeah I'm with you. Even if she genuinely wanted to beat Matt, knowing she doesn't actually have a chance means she shouldn't be trying, let alone encouraging me to drop out of the race with boobs. I told her I'd think about it, and the next morning convinced her in a few texts that if we want to be partners then she should run for VP against the very easy opposition, and let me handle my campaign as president. She agreed, funnily enough, though I don't think it will be healthy for me to associate myself in any way with her for the race. We've been decent friends for a while actually, but if I could explain her personality and reputation, it's just no bueno. That's pretty much that. Weird, weird shit right?

Part Dos.

Within 2 hours, from Amy conceding her campaign to the end of the school day today, I get a text from Matt saying "I have a deal for you, let's talk in the caf." We meet up and walk down to the caf, the whole time he's saying "I've got a deal that you can't refuse." I was 'dying,' as Amy might say.

Anyway, we get there and he sits me down and explains the deal. He says,

"you know I'm a little rich Jewish boy pabs, and well, I've got all the connections for West Point: you know, I've got two generals lined up to get my recommendations in for WP, I've got a colonel lined up, I've got my dad's business partners with a direct line to Senator Cory Booker. I'm gonna get into West Point like that."

<Commence Pabs not being able to decide between rolling eyes and clenching fists. Pabs clenches eyes.>

"I've set up my image as the guy who's going to West Point since day one freshman year. It's a great image, it's brought me much success. Well, my dad isn't letting me apply to West Point, and so I want to make you the deal of dropping out of the race for president, taking the VP spot, and in exchange I won't compete against you as another student applying to WP from this school." There has never been two kids from the same school admitted to the Academy, is his reasoning. If he drops out from applying, not that I have any way to ensure this, then I would be much more likely to get in.

Well I threw some questions to him like "why does the Presidency matter to you then if not to help get into WP" and "wouldn't it be silly to drop your four-year dream for a single year doing intense amounts of completely arbitrary work" and so on. He wasn't really able to answer any of these questions. I told him I'll consider his offer and let him know tomorrow. I'm feeling a strong "No thanks" on that offer, but the fact of the matter is this: the galactic magnitude of bullshit I've had to experience in the course of these last two days has seriously made me reconsider some of the principles of human social behavior, which I thought could not be bent to allow such disastrous strangeness and stupidity. Oh well!

Record and post one of the speeches for comments. I assume you tailor your speech to each of the four grades.

Address his crazy shit with brilliant wit.

"My opponent says I don't know my ass from my elbow. He's right. I don't know my ass -- my opponent, however, knows my ass intimately." hmmmm, no that might not sound right.