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JTHipster  ·  4240 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Don't Watch "Oblivion"

Oh my fucking god.

    The storyline begins on Earth after an alien attack, when gifted children are recruited by a government desperate to fight back.

No, its not one alien attack, its two, both of which did not, in fact, hit Earth. The first invasion was a primitive first encounter, the second invasion was stopped only my Major Rackham. I might have misspelled his name, haven't done my yearly reading yet.

The kids aren't recruited to fight back, they're recruited to become part of the military. Battle School is a training grounds for Officers, and they train children from early ages because of how much of a threat the much larger, more technologically advanced alien civilization poses.

    The kids are taught a competitive game that’s a cross between the Quidditch matches of Harry Potter and the Jedi light saber battles from Star Wars.

Its not at all Quidditch, and its not at all a light saber battle. The Battle Room is a mostly empty room with boxes in it, where kids play what sort of amounts to a space lasertag that is much more complicated.

The point of the battle room isn't to be action and its not to be competitive, its to teach the kids how to function as a team and how to select leaders. Its disguised as a game because children have a love of games and competition that's not tempered by age. Its not. Fucking. Quidditch. There isn't even a ball.

    A young boy emerges as a genius strategist, and the planet’s best hope to destroy the alien Formic race.

No, he's actually been planned to be the genius all along. He was specifically genetically engineered to be a compromise between his very aggressive brother and his very passive and loving sister, and was viewed by some very high ups to be the last best hope for Earth.

He was also never told he was going to destroy the alien race because why the fuck would you tell the kid he was going to commit xenocide?!

Fuck. I'm going to have to review this. I'm going to hate every second of that goddamn movie.