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elizabeth  ·  420 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: February 1, 2023

First day back on the wagon - made it trough my month of no drinking! I'm quite proud of myself for sticking to it, I feel it was a good and much needed reset and it gave me some good perspectives.

I had lots of engaging conversations with my family. I'm sure having the first being born grandchild helped but it's been nice to feel this closeness and family pattern introspection with everyone. Like everyone is recallibrating and finding their place in their new roles, super cool.

Had lots of meaningful hangs with the friends too, and with new friend groups. Everyone was really supportive and it's reassuring to know I have the same solid group of peeps with me if I want to keep it wholesome :) A few awkward moments sprinkled in there, I think I've inadvertently gotten used to be surrounded by a big community of people that know and care about me. It happened slowly and I didnt realize in most social situations people know more of me than I know of them. So showing up at new parties where I was a stranger was really unsettling. I felt like a fish out of water, didn't quite know how to even start a conversation or introduce myself. But I think I'll get my mojo back once i'm back traveling on the road at hostels. I used to be a professional small talker after all.

On the downside, I don't know if it's the seasonal funk or the lack of work and structure - but motivation even on the getting outta bed level has been hard lately. And not having the excuse of a hangover puts it at the forefront. I expected to be MORE productive sober but in the end i think i was less so. My major "to-do" points are in order so i'm all good. But all the optional things that are supposed to make me feel good instead of scrolling are picking up dust and I don't know how to kick myself in the ass to get going.