doing a lot of learning, doing a lot of squirming inside the belly of the beast: I'm happy to say that I'm learning a lot and I'm squirming with vigor

my plan is to take the JLPT test at the end of the year - in all likelihood n2, but if your girl decides to be an ultra overachiever then n1. it's the certification that says you're near fluent or fluent in japanese that businesses use to hire foreigners an der Nihon. with some studying i should be able to pass and the next exam is december so there's time

i might be moving out of where I'm at, and maybe out of the state altogether, within the next year and a half or so. maybe by this summer depending on how things shake out. I've lived here since 2018 and in michigan all my life so I'm very excited and very nervous - i have no idea where we might be going but i might finally follow my destiny and make pilgrimage

i feel like I'm a little closer to god than I've been before for a lack of a better phrase - a little bit closer to synthesis on some stuff. not close enough yet to put it into words, but more consistently clearheaded than maybe ever. potentially dangerous, but dangerous in a new and different way than the usual danger, so i welcome it

I've been working a little under 40 (37) hours a week for the last month or so and it's an interesting experience to not be a sack of shit. I've had my tears walking home and my shitty days but my boss says I'm doing a great job, very professional, and that I'm sorely needed on the days that i don't work, so it seems like a win

tomorrow i get together with a therapist to unwrangle the latest knot of insurance bullshit so hopefully this year i can get my skull split and my face chopped up (oo-da-lolly)

I've been telling everybody that i feel so old and wouldn't you know it but every day i wake up i'm a day older than i thought I'd be

I'm living in Bonus Round