oh pubski things with girl a (girl from Dec.) I think I ended a few nights ago - told her I cannot be in a space with so much uncertainty, and no expectation of receiving any amount of affection/attention/affirmation, and not even knowing when i would see her again. that all of that is not a tenable situation for what i need and want. we ended with "let's figure out a timeline that's comfortable for both of us to reconnect over a cup of coffee or lunch in the future, and in the interim, not have contact". it was a challenging hour long conversation. i returned a couple of small things to her two days ago. but then last night she called me on facetime...i'm about to call her back to see why... girl b - surprisingly awesome date at one of the local spots to catch concerts, just hung out in the lounge/bar and walked around for a while after. soooo much in common. made out in the streets at the end of the night. seeing her again tomorrow night, and i kind of want to try and take things slow with her, i feel there could be potential to build something with her. trading music suggestions over text messages the past couple of days. girl c - also a fun climbing night date, going to see her again after i go on this trip to canmore, alberta, for a week of ice climbing. she's a bit older (6 years older than me) and seems to have a different perspective on some things. it's very unclear at this moment if she's looking for a climbing partner or more than that, but i'm fine with either. edit: girl d - also fun, not as physically attracted to this person I don't think(???), but super interesting, very mountainous, and is an underwater photographer for the smithsonian??? (have i mentioned all of these girls are very intelligent, driven, etc.) so, i'm managing...it's been a very challenging, emotional month of january. i've had a lot of anticipation for girl a, and now trying to not make the same mistakes twice with girl b in particular, and have also had a lot of anticipation for this trip to canmore. where it's looking warm, almost too warm...highs in the mid-30s for ice isn't super great... somebody asked me what would be my ideal for all of this dating. it made me uncomfortable to say "i want a relationship". trying to unpack why that is.