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goobster  ·  304 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: May 6, 2020

I'm a day late and a pubski short, but...

... the depression is still lurking in the background, but it's letting the panic attacks take over this week.

So I'll be sitting there playing Solitaire, or whatever, and will feel my heart start to race, and the tension in my body build up, and hear the fight-or-flight machinery spinning up in my brain...

... and I'll go, "Oh hey. That's an oncoming panic attack. Fortunately, I don't have to let it take over, and I'll just sit here and watch it burn itself out..."

And so far that has been working.

Narrated one for about an hour to my wife, who was sitting on the other end of the couch - probably playing Solitaire as well - and talking through what my body and mind were doing, while also letting them do those things, and not pushing back against them.

It seemed like giving them energy was going to make them last longer or spin up higher, so I just impassively watched this shit storm rage, and let it subside.

Then I went and played guitar for 3 hours in the garden.

Life is fucking weird, my friends.