i'm on the fat edge of losing it fellas i was screaming and crying earlier today: i didn't intend to be screaming but once i started it seemed to be working for me so why stop i guess

i took a long hot shower and i got that to stop anyway

i have this strong conviction lately that i'm not gonna make it in life, i feel like - everything i see gives me no reason to believe that the world at large is gonna get better within my lifespan at least, maybe at best i/we GenZ can be where things magically start to be cool, but that seems like a "how can my generation possibly fuck up" kind of bias so that feels tough to believe in. as far as i can tell the only reason i've made it this far is because i'm lucky enough to a. be born rich and b. be born with insurance because without that i'd have no meds which means i'd be forced to be a faggot instead of a tranny

i wouldn't bet on not being fucked, generally speaking is i guess what i'm trying to say - i'm nowhere near as fucked as i deserve to be, but definitely more fucked than i am able to take, clearly

i talked to a pair of mormons a couple weeks back when i met them on a pedestrian bridge outside of work and i understand now a little better about how they getcha because i feel like i need to learn some koine greek and some hebrew - i've read enough indoeuropean papers for it not to be a surprise and hebrew feels easier than arabic so what the hey might as well try

god i wish blogs were still a thing - i tried tumblr for a while but that's just like any other site where you can like share and subscribe, i would much rather have some nice little private place but i guess that's what a diary is for

i'm kinda scared of my dad