I've been seeing a girl. I noticed an imbalance: I was getting to really like her and I wasn't feeling the same from her.

The imbalance was driving me crazy, and the craziness alarmed me. We'd only been on four dates but trivial stuff, like her not texting me as much as I wanted her to, was throwing me for a massive loop. I looked into it and started journaling. I was able to articulate the feelings concisely enough that I had some terms worth googling: "why do I need constant reassurance," "relationship anxiety" etc.

Boom. There's a whole way of framing this that I'd never heard of before. I have what some people call an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. Have you ever had the erie feeling of someone you've never met writing out your thoughts? The upside was that the process was the clearest instance in my life of self-awareness generating equanimity and calm. Naming the "complex" mollified its hold over me, at least the worst of it on Monday.

The only downsides to this knowledge are that 1) I still don't really know the source. They say it's likely from childhood, but I perceive my childhood as having been mostly nurturing and full of love. Nothing clearly jumps out at me. And 2) the solution is squishy. It's essentially the strong form of love thyself first. Quiet the critic in your head. Know that I'm worthy already.

Question to pubski: Have you, or anyone you know, progressed clearly from a state of persistent low-to-no-self-worth to a state of steady, high self-regard? I've heard about or read that in the abstract this is possible. But no really talks about having made the progress themselves. Do tell.