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oyster  ·  389 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: January 24, 2018

saaaaame Well, I'm getting better at it at least. I think my dad realized that I just kept picking programs in school because I thought I had too and that it was getting to be expensive so they don't ask as much now. They still push a little I guess that's fair when your daughter seems to be aimlessly living in the mountains. Thing is, we are all so bound up in other peoples expectations. I remember going to a baby shower when I got home from living out west/east for a bit and realizing everybody felt the same way. I was feeling bummed that I could have finished an undergrad by then and some people who did finish an undergrad felt no closer to knowing what they actually want and damn maybe they could have been travelling during that time.

I guess it was almost 2 years ago I made lists of things I liked/disliked and why. I even asked KB for movie suggestions because I assumed they wouldn't be tainted by opinions of anybody I actually knew in person, I was right. I don't know if it was that process that actually helped or if it just kickstarted my consciously questioning these things. The same thing happened this year when a therapist recommended I start a journal of my emotions through out the day, I did the journal thing but mainly I just did it in my head ( as I assume normal people already do ). I think those exercises just gave me permission and it's a lot easier to figure out what you want in life when your focus has been shifted from "how will this make others feels" to "how does this make me feel".