I'm currently writing a novel for NaNoWriMo. It isn't going to be great. Maybe it isn't even going to be good -- but I'm writing it anyway, because writing something is better than writing nothing.

It takes a lot of effort to simply keep writing every day. I'm already stressed from the rest of the life, and the looming deadline and the massive wordcount required aren't providing the escapism one might expect. I haven't written in several months, and this jumping right into it makes me even more anxious.

Is this what taking responsibility for an actual, life-changing undertaking feels like?

If I succeed, this is going to be the first novel for me. I've written one-page short stories before, when life hasn't started throwing responsibilities at me yet, but this is another level entirely. I've never finished a project before. If this succeeds -- if I put out a novel, no matter how bad it might end up -- this is going to be a life-changing experience... if I start doing things differently.

It's the science of life: you have a theory about the way things are supposed to work. You test it by organizing a massive poll, the kinds you've never done before. If your theory is proven successful, things are going to change for you in ways you never thought were possible.

I'm frustrated with my own inability to do things I want to do, whether it's from depression, poor work ethics, laziness or plain apathy from life weariness. This is my opportunity to prove those deep-seated assumption and habits wrong.