"Dear Dumbasses(sp?),

Rather then send you a copypasta or tie up your landline, an international community of thoughtfully offensive individuals took it upon themselves to pen a heartfelt roast.

Hey, what the fuck are you doing? Net neutrality is one of the only tools left for making sure that you don't keep trying to bend us over like this."

BUT FOR REAL:

"Living in the age of polarization and radicalization, accessible peer-to-peer contact enabled by a neutral internet is one of the best lifelines we have for (don'tsayglobaldon'tsayglobal) mending our ailing social structures at a grassroots level.

If you do not feel obligated to uphold the wishes of our community, we implore you to act on behalf of the tens of millions of other concerned Americans who believe that an internet neutrality repeal could lead to overwhelming consolidation of power in the hands of only several conglomerations. These conglomerations have tended towards business mergers many times in recent history."

Bonus points if you sprinkle in "door revolving", with additional 'atta boys for suggestive usage.

Needs more meat.