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user-inactivated  ·  456 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: February 22, 2017

Things are going quite well, in general. I've been down with a depression bout for a while, and getting back on my feet feels better. Bruce Lee is said to had been so sad about missing another episode of his favorite soap opera that he'd be drained for days after. My trigger is... people.

The last two weeks or so have been solely devoted to the discovery of myself and my place in the world. byonic once told me, in one of our private conversations, that I've "been hitting mental gym non-stop" since we've met. I believe I have good reasons for that, wearing as it is on me; something I'd like to talk about in extent in a separate post. Things have changed a lot for me in the meantime; I'd like to take my time and examine the results before talking about them in public.

Our American teacher, Patrick D. Maloney, continues to bring joy to the classes. He brings a different point of view, which feels both refreshing and slightly confusing. I appreciate having him around the uni, especially since he's started the Open English classes (where everyone is welcome and where he helps with whatever improvement you'd like to achieve in speaking the language) here.

A groupmate of mine said something today during his class that made me think. She was among the few people to talk to him directly, and at some point he pointed at her and said something to the extent of "That woman is a <something>", making it sound like a compliment. "Well", she replied, sounding offended, "first of all, I'm not a woman..." -- at which point I could barely contain my laughter. She's 19 or 20, and she took offence at being called a "woman" by a man thrice her age. It's saying as much about the fact that women in Russia are very insecure about their age (#russiabynatives) as it does about the perception of "girl" vs. "woman".

It tapped into the thought process I had for quite some time now. All this time, I've been looking for a girl, and it had me settling for the slightest show of interest - and to quite a bit of heartbreak, cynicism and depression afterwards. For a while now, I've been looking for a woman; not by age but by the way she takes living seriously enough to both enjoy it and achieve her goals. One can be a man or a woman in their 20s. I'll leave it here since I fail to form a coherent line of thought on the matter

I think I met the hostel girl again today; the one that treated me well when I stayed in the hostel she hosted at the time. Y'all've forgotten her from my Pubski on the matter in late August, but she took a special place in my mind ever since. I was shy and I was hungry (which messes with my head), so I didn't reach out to her at that moment: "Hey, it's you! Remember me? Here's a hug because I appreciate how well you treated me. Keep being you because you're cool"; and now, I regret not doing so. If I see her again, I'm going to do exactly that.

Have stuff to tell but am too tired to continue. Questions are acceptable.