Perspectives in sexism

One of our birth tubs is chipped. It was chipped under the blue protective layer, which also hid the peeled-off sticker residue from where the birth tub was repurposed from "jacuzzi tub" to "birth tub." This is particularly galling as this particular tub was three weeks late. It being late caused one of our contractors' schedules to slip by a week. In effect, this birth tub not showing up on time set us back a month.

I informed the vendor of this and they said they'd look into it. I also forwarded some shots of the tubs looking awesome. They asked if they could feature them on their Facebook page. I agreed, so long as they didn't put our name on them and agreed to run proper publicity shots when we're done (we're nowhere near done). I then asked if they'd figured out what they were going to do with the chip.

In the space of an hour, they asked to use us for advertising and informed us they wouldn't be paying for the repair because "too much time had passed since purchase."

So I fumed about this over the weekend. On Monday my wife called the owner and said, effectively, "what the actual fuck?" as she's been a client good for an easy grand a year since 2009... and the only reason the chip wasn't revealed immediately is that the instructions specifically said to leave the protective layer on until construction is complete. The owner said "oh, yeah, you! So sorry, we'll get right on that repair!"

This actually infuriates me more, as it clearly delineates me as my wife's bitch. Considering everyone with a penis within the birth community is effectively their wife's bitch, it galled me in the extreme. Especially as my wife made it thunderously clear they were never to contact me again (my request) and they called me yesterday to try and schedule the repair anyway (I did not pick up, nor have I listened to the message).

Realistically speaking, financial costs to me are net zero and I'm still super pissed.

Two hours after that I met with my landlord. I've become his new buddy because I'm male, I'm technically inclined, and I can do things like figure out why the surveillance system doesn't work and what's fucked up about the HVAC. There's a split unit installed by the landlord two years ago exclusively for the purposes of the dentist, our next door neighbor with whom we already have a contentious relationship. This split unit was installed oversized such that it's feeding two room units but can feed up to eight. The landlord is happy to let us tap into it to provide another couple zones of heating and cooling, which is something we need by design (birthing women and birth workers like to be in a room at about 75 degrees and it's nice not having to jack the heat up everywhere else). It's gonna cost me five grand (another story I care not to get into, but suffice it to say that price and its execution has been the lions' share of my past two days) to get that to happen but it'll happen.

We were sitting there in a conference room talking about this and that and I mentioned that we were tapping into the split this weekend.

"Okay, I'll warn you that system's kinda fucked up right now because they use it wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, they don't understand it so they set one of them to heat and the other to cool and the system ends up fighting itself. I probably shouldn't say this but it's because it's an office full of women."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."

(uncomfortable giggle from the landord)

"But I know what you mean."

"I didn't say it... but I didn't have to."

(mutual laughter)

____________________________________________________________________

On the one hand, I'm pissed off that I've found one of the tiny balkanized little microcosms of alternative society where a man can routinely experience sexism and there's nothing I can do about it. On the other hand, I'm gobsmacked that when I encountered sexism in the wide open world of normal society I did nothing to confront it. The fuck does that make me?

Granted: in the former case it impacted me directly. In the latter case it was two men talking with no women present about a group of people that have caused me a great deal of heartache. And granted: a good deal of my future happiness is tied to currying favor with the building owner and doing nothing to assuage the growing rift between him and the dentist. And all I can really do is pretend that I'm trying to get in closer to the guy so I can gain enough leverage and trust to try and influence his behavior. But, I mean, he ran for State Senate on a staunchly conservative platform. He was a regional manager of a brokerage firm. It's not like his is an unexamined life.

Does it come down to me wanting to encourage negative emotions about the dentist at any cost? Or does it come down to the fact that it's way fucking easier for me to just let that shit go because it doesn't cost me anything?

Maybe I'd have an easier time if I had anything left to spend.

So that's where I'm at this week: two good negotiations that left me feeling bad for polar opposite reasons. What the fuck do you do with that?