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I think point 3 is something we need to take note of, for the reasons you mention. I don't think we should change mute, at all. However, I know that "You are muted here" message is not at all nice to read.

Maybe if that "You are muted here" text were an obvious link to some more text explaining why mute works the way it does, and some reassuring text about how they shouldn't take it personally, (i.e., people mute for all kinds of reasons or sometimes none at all); maybe something like that would mitigate the perception problem.