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CraigEllsworth · 3201 days ago · link · · parent · post: What do you guys think of this? I just wrote it so it's a little rough around the edges.
I like the imagery. I can't say I understand the imagery or the metaphor you're meaning, but it is a vivid visual. You might consider expanding on either the marble on a string bit or the magnifying glasses bit to make it the focal point. I like the marble bit, and I think given the right diction you could make it either so god sounds like a puppeteer craftsman, or a boy playing with a toy, depending on your aim. Also, I think there is a #poetry tag. I'd add it but I'm too new I think and don't have the option.