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Imarreteet23  ·  1825 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: The Accountant & The Universe

Hey! No one else has commented on this, so I'd just like to say: this is pretty great! I think it's a pretty interesting choice that you made with this to only break lines when you wanted to emphasize a particular word. I like that. It's something that I haven't quite seen before.

I also like how you describe the woman as "a piece of the universe embedded in a single host." That's one of those phrases that I wish I had come up. I might have to steal it, if you don't mind. ;)

I think my one complaint about it would be that sometimes, in an attempt to describe something banal in a unique way, you kind of end up being a bit too wordy. A good example is when you describe food as "nutritious substances." It's just a bit too much, you know?

But please don't take the criticism too seriously. I really love this poem, on the whole. Thanks for sharing. :)