You know, I had an on again/off again thing with this one girl for 8 years. 8 Years. There's something there, but in our last round she told me that she too is terrified of letting people in. From the outside looking in, this is a real bummer (to put it mildly) because I have the feeling it would work out, if she'd let it. My point is, life is terrifying but so what? Not to minimize, but I've had some days where I've realized just how mortal I am and how unlikely it is that I'm even alive to begin with. Personally, I can't stand the thought of not taking opportunities to connect with people. I could be totally wrong, but if I am, whatever. I'm emphatically for trying things on with people I encounter and I really wish more people would be too. Then again, I say this as a healthy, youngish man who has luckily not suffered through any serious trauma. Anyway, I hope you find a friend. They're good to have.