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kleinbl00  ·  3470 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: A Long and Useless Rant about a Weird Relationship that I don't know what to do with

You have no control over your friends. You have no control over their regard for you.

You have a complicated relationship in which two people aren't sure what to say to each other. Combine that with the fact that your methods for communication have devolved from in person to text messages. Context via text is nigh onto impossible.

Add to that, you've got a scarcity problem. There aren't many people in your life so when you lose one it hurts extra. And since you hurt extra and the way to fix it is to reach, you end up pushing away.

You weren't asking for advice, you're getting it. Let them go. If they want back into your life, they know where to find you. Take the energy you're putting into this relationship and pour it into another. You know what sort of sentiment breaks my heart?

    I don't enjoy having a lot of friends. I like to have a very few close ones, and those few that I have I tend to be unreasonably loyal to, so it's hard for me to just give up and say 'whatever' unless that other person indicates that that's what they want.

The difference between a close friend and a casual friend can be as little as time spent and experiences shared. Categorizing relationships beyond the broadest ("person I am sleeping with" vs "person I am related to" vs "person of a gender that does not attract me") is often more effort than it's worth. You may find that there are people all around you worthy of your attention and expending it there will make you so much happier.

By the bye? "unreasonable loyalty" is a detriment. Friendship is more than an exchange, but it's also an exchange. If you're too much into someone you'll push them away, regardless of how you feel about them romantically.

Above all else? Find your center. Without it you tend to wheel around bashing into people and nobody likes that.

Good luck.