I sympathize, but with a word of caution -- the older you get, and I'm far from old, the less likely it is that reality will align with your goals. I realized this almost too late (perhaps too late) to do many things that I now see I would have loved to do. This happens in some degree to, I'm convinced, almost everyone. Many don't get anywhere near as close as I have to certain goals, and I remind myself of that whenever self-pity is tempting. Even knowing that, it's so hard to follow through on certain courses of action. The human mind is such a strange, ill-programmed thing. By virtue of our genes, it wants us wholeheartedly to be something we are no longer. That clash between instinct and understanding is at the center of the human condition. Sometimes I wish I was a cheetah or an antelope. Theirs is a simple if limited existence and future. Then I remember that I want to die on Mars.