First of all, I'm glad you shared this BE, you are among friends. Also, what you are going through sounds very familiar and is something that I think many of us go through, though I know that doesn't make it any easier on you.

You write a lot about not liking yourself. I've certainly gone through this and what I've found, after years of self reflection is that I tend to think negative things about myself. They are like memes that continuously surface in my internal dialog. Things like, your not smart enough, good enough, good looking enough etc. These types of "thoughts" occurred often and they still do to an extent. What I would like to suggest to you is this: Mindfulness.

Practice recognizing when these thoughts about "not liking yourself" occur. Then, when you can recognize that these thoughts are occurring "watch them." Realize that these "thoughts" are not YOU.

Watch your internal dialog and recognize that it does not define you. When you recognize those negative self thoughts cropping up, think of something safe, something positive. You are a smart, funny, creative person and all of those qualities are you. Think of that.

Also, I've not gotten better at these things on my own, I have had help over the years. I highly recommend to anyone that if they have the ability to seek out therapy, coaching, mentorship etc... do so. kleinbl00 recently recommended to someone on here to seek professional counseling stating that since they're in college they have better and more affordable access to such healthcare than they ever will after college. -Take advantage of this. DO IT.

I've had times in my life, recently, when I couldn't breathe and I felt like there wasn't enough air in the room etc. It's a horrible feeling. I sought out help and I'm so glad I did. Don't carry this weight alone. Feel free to PM if you ever need advice or someone to bounce thoughts ideas off of.

You're not alone.

Oh, also I should mention that your "age" was the most difficult for me in my life for a number of reasons. -I think it is for many young men (and perhaps women). It really does get better.

All my best!