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_refugee_  ·  3515 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: I Waited Until My Wedding Night To Lose My Virginity And I Wish I Hadn't

That's a great question.

I feel like I already believe that waiting until marriage to have sex means that you are probably going to have bad sex. I believe this because I believe, as with many skills or pastimes, that practice is the main way to improve. And good sex isn't just about the physics and physicality of good sex, and knowing how to touch your partner, and where and when; you could argue that with good communication, two virgins could develop into great sexual partners for each other over time. I agree with that.

The thing is that I think for most people, especially for people who don't explore their sexuality, actually communicating about that kind of stuff is very difficult. i remember when I was first exploring quasi-offbeat sex. A guy I was talking to started the conversation in the interest of exploring "what I liked." The problem was first, I didn't know what I liked as I had not experienced any of it: I knew what I was open to and what turned me on in idea, but I also knew that what I liked in concept I might not like in reality. Secondly, I was completely not versed in discussing my body, how my body felt, where I liked to be touched, and so on. I wasn't comfortable with any of that. I think the guy ended up pretty frustrated by the conversation. A lot of my answers were "I don't know." I didn't have any ideas to offer of what I might like to try. It took years and a lot of finding the right partner in order to suss out generally what I like.

And that's another point I feel: just because you love someone doesn't mean they're a great sexual partner for you.

This article goes more in-depth about virginity and the sullification felt after losing one's virginity by the author, which I found more interesting than I expected.