Ha. I say fuckit. Tap that ass.

I've dated three different women twice. Two of them were batshit insane. As in, "Romeo and Juliet by Blue Oyster Cult is our song." As in, "bisexual wiccan ex-stripper" batshit insane. One of them was quite nice.

You've done all the damage you can possibly do. You've both been around the bend. The worst thing that can happen is you end up in a relationship that ends badly. No, scratch that.

The worst thing that can happen is you can get into the nasty-ass habit of mourning what might have been.

Li'l story. I built a car in high school. Like, from the frame rails up. Long story short, 4x4 Triumph TR-7 with 31" mud tires and a 425HP Chevy 400 V8. And, as you might expect, cars built by 18-year-olds are kinda shakey. But it made it from New Mexico to Seattle… barely.

I was cruising through Utah, one of the two gas tanks leaking, the problematic overheating problems just starting to arise, but the piston rings breaking as I simultaneously crawled down out of the Mountain West so HOLY SHIT I HAD SOME POWER. And I crested a hill and there she was.

In all honesty, I saw her for maybe 5 seconds. Objectively speaking, I can say she was average height, average build, with long brown hair. Subjectively speaking, she was Cindy Crawford and Helen of Troy, the probably-black outfit she was wearing an indicator that she listened to all the same bands I did, not that she was a heroin-addicted runaway from Denver.

I passed her by because I was being chivalrous. After all, the car could break down, and then where would she be? ("stuck in the exact same goddamn desert she''s in now, dumbass, only a few miles down the road…") The thought in parentheses took me six months to wrap my head around, and the girl haunted me for a decade or more. It is only through the clear-eyed perspective of middle age that I have come to appreciate the fact that while hitch hikers can be awesome, sexy, intelligent, well-read, erudite, kinky and into you, they're far more likely to be… not.

Had I picked the chick up I coulda saved myself an easy 15 years of pie-eyed introspection.

Fucking tap that. Get sick of the chick. Don't just lay that notion to rest, wrestle it to the ground and skullfuck its corpse. 'cuz you never know.

I didn't date my wife in college 'cuz I was too busy fooling around with her best friend, but I sure tried. Our daughter turned one yesterday.